Oh, No! You Got A Medical Supplies Catalog!

HEAVY CW: medical instruments, needles, hospitals, and similar... I got queasy writing this, so if you have a sensitivity to any of these topics, proceed with caution, please!

Hey, we've all been there. You're minding your own business, watering your Philodendron, then wham. A parcel full of a single terrible medical supplies catalog slams onto your desk. It makes your skin crawl, these newfangled implements and instruments, but you're thankful, you suppose, that someone out there is doing the hard work. Come to think of it, you're looking for something in particular to meet some medical need or whatever. This may be a great opportunity, distasteful though it may be...

OH, NO! YOU GOT A MEDICAL SUPPLIES CATALOG! is a 4d20 table to create medical-jargon-slathered instruments of care*, featuring:

• 20 gross science adjectives!
• 20 items for the surgery room!
• 20 features to set THIS thing apart from the rest!
• 20 snazzy taglines sure to grab the attention of the worst doctor you know!

God, I hope that's enough. Don't make me go back in there, please. Ugh.